Salty's Sea Palace- Performed at 14/48

Salty’s Sea Palace

By

Kelleen Conway Blanchard

Setting

Salty’s Sea Palace. A family restaurant

The employees dance a choreographed dance and sing a fishy song with their fish heads down.

They set out a fish stick with a candle in it

Captain Randy

Thar she blows little sailor.

Carson

Screams

Everyone exits except Kyle, Carson and Customer

Kyle

Hi mateys. I’m navigator Kyle your fishy flounder. How can I steer your ship today?

Customer

I want the salty sea lion super scooper. What do you want Carson?

Carson

Screams

Customer

Carson?

Carson

Screams

Customer

Could you put your head back on? It’s freaking the shit out of my kid.

Kyle

Its hot in there man.

Carson

Screams a whole lot

 Kyle is impassive. Someone throws a french fry at his head. He peels it off his ear.

Customer

I think I need to see your manager.

Kyle

Look dude. I don’t have to wear the head when I’m taking orders. That’s the rule at Saltys  Sea Palace. It’s hot in there. Look at my head. Look at it. That’s a blister on my forehead. From the fucking fin.

Customer

You cant say Fuck in front of my kid, you asshole.

Carson

Screams

Customer

Get your manager  right now Navigator Kyle.

Kyle

Fine. Look. My heads on. Okay?

Customer

I can’t understand you.

Kyle

That's because I have a fucking fish on my head you dick.

Customer

Rises from his seat and shouts out

Excuse me. I need the Manager.

Captain Randy

I’m the Manager Sir. Captain Randy here to make your trip at saltys sea palace smoo-ooth sailing.

Carson

Screams

Captain Randy

How are you little sailor?

Carson

Screams and  takes his pants off. Runs in a circle making fart noises.

Customer

Captain Randy, Carson and I came to Saltys Sea Palace today for a special underwater  treat and your  Navigator Kyle here wouldn’t put his head on. It scared the fuckshit out of  my kid.

Kyle

Randy, I don’t have to wear the head unless we’re singing the birthday song. That’s in the employee handbook.

Captain Randy

Okay Navigator Kyle, lets just work out this knotty problem with balloon animals. Who likes balloon animals?

Carson pees on the floor

Kyle

Randy that little dude just whizzed on the fucking floor.

Captain Randy

WALK THE PLANK KYLE. RIGHT NOW. WALK THE PLANK.

Kyle
Fine Randy. Eat shit man. Where you gonna get your weed now?

Captain Randy

GET OUT KYLE .

Kyle throws his fish head on the floor and exits flipping Captain Randy off the entire time

Captain Randy

Makes a terrible balloon animal

Look Carson. It’s a balloon...  squid.