F****in' At Fun Burger

F****in’ at Fun Burgers

F****in’ at Fun Burgers
10 Minute Play
Character Breakdown
2 men 2 women
Jimmy The Cashier
Kim The Fry Cook
Mr. JenkinsThe Assistant Manager
Lady A Customer
Synopsis
Passions run high at a the Burger Shack.
Production History
F****in’ at Fun Burgers was produced by Three Card Monty as part of 14/48 in 2006
Selected Excerpt
Jimmy
So. The toilet is broken. Flooding. I made Jeff plunge it but something’s stuck in there real big, like a rat maybe. Because those crawl up through the sewers right? And sometimes die in the pipes or bite you in the ass. Which is why I personally never sit when I shit. I hover. Anyway, when that fat fucker with the hairdo came in you know he always gets the whale burger and then he sits in the john for a hella long ass time , “You can’t use it.” I told him, “ you can’t use the shitter.” So, he’s nodding his head right? So, I go to the back to find Jeff and see if he’ll take a snake to the john, really dig in there. Then, I hear this noise. And that fat fucker with the hair has shit in the toilet. A huge ass turd and then like fled the scene. You know he climbed out the fucking window like a fucking fugitive. Like he’s on the run from the shit police. Jesus. I had to make Jeff get that thing out with a spoon. ‘Cause the manager ‘s coming in and he’s on edge. The dude is holding like a multitude of grudges on
account of nobody’s taken out the trash in fuck, I don’t know and there’s that cheesy piss smell coming from the supply closet . So, he’s in no mood to find a giant poo in the can. Right? So then Jeff’s all pissy at me calling me a fascist and throwing lettuce at the back of my head which I don’t need because everyone, literally every one is on my ass. And then, the manager says if any more roaches come up out of the dishwasher he’s holding me personally accountable. He said that. Man. Like I’m king of the cockroaches. I don’t have that kind of power. You know cockroaches can live a week without thier heads?
copyright 2006