Office Party

MELANIE

I  don’t think I should go to the Office Christmas party anyway because, last year Kurt Nittles pinned me  to the Break-room refrigerator. He said I was a vixen and seductress, and that every time I use the fax machine I wink at him, and bend over in his direction. I don’t think this is true because, I’m not much of a winker. I am allergic to adhesives, and toner ink though so, I could be sneezing, which from a distance resembles a wink and you know, I bend over a lot. To get things. I try not to do it provocatively. I sure don’t mean to tempt Kurt Nittles. I don’t mean that all. Kurt Nittles smells exactly like Nacho cheese. And even if he didn’t. Even if he smelled like hamburger helper, which is my favorite smell, I still wouldn’t be winking and bending at him. I don’t have affairs with men from Accounts. I don’t have time. Not at all. I have three Pekinese at home and they are my first priority. Especially Tinkers. Because, yesterday Tinkers was making a noise like tttp kkkss hhhrk. Which makes me nervous. I hope he hasn’t eaten my crimping iron again. So, I’m probably not gonna even be able to go to the Christmas Party. Even if Kurt  Nittles wasn’t going. He is though. He sent me a fax of his mustache today. I guess he just got it trimmed.