Bad Girls! A Spin The Bottle special!

Bad Girls!

Bad Girls was performed at Annex Theater's Spin The Bottle

I’ve always liked the bad girls. Ever since Brenda Mintle in 7th grade, set the teacher's lounge on fire I been wired that way.

I been with four muggers, two car thieves, and an exotic pet smuggler since high school. I can’t help it. I like a girl who can hot wire a police car, I don’t mind the smell of gunpowder, and I’m real good at hiding stolen goods. I never rat anybody out, and I always visit my ladies in the pen. 

So, when Thursday happened it was just fate and out of my control. I was working late at the Sip N’ Pump like always. Ever since my last girlfriend went to jail for extortion and baby kidnapping, I’ve been working double shifts to keep her in Camel Lights. So, it was late and I heard the bell and I thought maybe it was that kid with the gold tooth that steals corn nuts. So, I didn’t even turn around, because, what do I care if Goldie steals nuts from the man? Especially, when “the man” is Mrs. Berminia, a lady who keeps her toenail clippings in a jar on her desk and makes me wear a plastic visor that bruises my temple.

 But then, I feel cold steel in my back and a sweet soft voice says.” I’m robbing this place turd, so let’s get to it.” It isn’t that little corn nut boy. This is someone else. Her face is hidden behind a ski mask but the smell is achingly familiar. Strawberry Lip Smackers. Brenda Mintle from 7th grade. I turn to face her. “ You can take whatever shit you want, Brenda. I think we even got extra wine coolers in the back, if you still like the Pina Colada I can get you about eleven cases, whatever you need...” “ You don’t know me.” She says. “ I’m not anybody you know. But, yeah load up some wine coolers and all the lip smackers you got. Empty the cash drawer and I’m just gonna tie you to the Slurpee machine for safekeeping. Okay?”  “ Yeah, Yeah.” I say, “ You feel free to tie me to any kinda machine you like.” And I sink to my knees in front of a stack of big gulp cups.

Brenda shoots the security camera and pockets the cash register cash then, tears off her mask and presses her mouth on mine. “ I knew.” I whisper. “ I been waiting for you all these years.” I say. “ I don’t like talkers much.” She sighs into my ears “ My Momma was a talker, and all it got her were four, unwanted babies, and a house on wheels. I like action” I close my eyes, I am exploding and expanding. I am the universe. I open my eyes, blinking against the yellow, fluorescent lights.. Happy.

I imagine Brenda and me riding away from this town, into the desert, or the mountains, living on the lam from the law, sleeping naked next to our gun rack, foraging for food in the wilderness. Maybe raising little outlaw babies out there. Teaching those kids to steal credit cards from lost tourists, or squeeze ransom money from old ladies for their Pekinese.

Brenda pulls her face-mask over her thick black hair. “Help me load this pallet of peach schnapps onto my truck,” she snaps. I do it. I load four pallets onto her flat bed and lean against the passenger door. “ It’s been real nice seeing you again Jack.” She says, as she reloads her gun. “ It was like a high school reunion.”  “ Will I ever see you again?” I hand her a 72 ounce Slurpee. “ I don’t know kid.” She tucks her gun into her side holster. “ I’m an outlaw. I don’t answer to men and their laws. I don’t get pinned down. Maybe someday, you’ll be working at a donut shop and I’ll take all your jelly filled and your cash.” “ “Maybe.” I whisper into the wind and she’s gone. I know she’s no good. I know it. But, I like her that way. I like her no good. Brenda’s best when she’s bad.